Single and gay men need to arrange to use a woman’s eggs to become fathers through surrogacy. The choice of who will be the genetic mother of the child clearly has lasting implications, and it can be a daunting decision.
Depending on what you decide, this step can cost between $5,000 to $50,000 and take anywhere from a few weeks to a few months.
There are two ways for men to secure donor eggs, which we'll cover below.
About 5 - 10% of men decide to use the eggs of someone they know. This could be a friend, the sister of a partner who is not contributing sperm, or someone else.
This will cut down on the agency fee ($3,000 - $15,000), as well as possibly the donor’s fee ($5,000 - $30,000), but should not diminish the legal or psychological work that needs to be done.
Such circumstances may carry more psychological and legal risk, so each party needs to take the steps to ensure the process runs smoothly.
Between 90 - 95% of men find find their egg donor through an agency or a third party. Note: the word “donation” is a misnomer — everyone is getting paid.
An agency serves two purposes. The first is to match supply (donor eggs) with demand (intended parents). The second is to ensure the egg donor follows the required medical steps to fulfill the commitment.
Egg donation agencies are typically mom-and-pop operations and the field is very much a cottage industry. There are no standards for excellence, there is no meaningful regulation, and no industry self-policing. In many regards, intended parents are on their own.
Introducing the major decisions a gay couple or single man need to make to become fathers. We cover the costs of everyone involved (from egg donors, attorneys, gestational carriers, and more), an intro to finding an egg donor & surrogate or gestational carrier, how state laws differ for gay and single dads, pros and con of twins along with other specific medical decisions for gay and single fathers, and finding a clinic as a gay or single man.